saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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