What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize