I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
