theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
