y did u give ur computer a hand job?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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