Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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