Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
and she was petting her beer can
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
