So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But break dance skills will only take you so far
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
