Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
