I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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