I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
