If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
