I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
