You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
