i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
