If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
