I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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