her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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