I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
