ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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