Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
