turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
