Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
