i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
