I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
