he puts the penis in happiness.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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