I think my fart just growled at me.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
