didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
