so explain again why im purple
no
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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