I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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