OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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