My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
