Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
