hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
