I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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