My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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