Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
