I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
There's always time for handjobs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
