i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
