If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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