I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You are a genius and a whore.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
