Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
