he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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