I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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