Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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