I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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