I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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