you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
