If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
