this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
