it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
