If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
