You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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