I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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