i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
