Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
