Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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