So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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