went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
