Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
