We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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