Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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