i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
