I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
