If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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