During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
