could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
only you would photoshop your dick
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize