just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
