you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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