I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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