then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
