I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
