My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize