remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
