who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
