I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
