His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
