i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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