May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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