two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
