They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
