If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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