I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
