She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
