i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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