Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
