Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize