Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
