Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
