I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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