y did u give ur computer a hand job?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
