I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
