btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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