i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
